Want to know more about gender fluid pronouns or how to talk to your children about non-binary pronouns? This article will help you open up the dialogue.
Since the beginning of civilised society, language has changed and evolved in accordance with the issues of the day. One place that vocabulary is expanding is in the context of gender fluid pronouns – in other words, how we address each other. The gender identity pronoun discussion which has been first championed by young adults and teenagers can make it more difficult for older people and small children to understand.
Language changes according to the needs and changes that society is undergoing.
We see this happening in every field and context with expressions, and expanded vocabulary, but also in how we address one another. Some changes might happen faster than what we can understand, and this might make language complicated for us as adults, but also for younger generations.
Genderfluid pronouns are a hot topic so it is important to educate ourselves and to keep track of any changes so that we can guide our children with better understanding.
Firstly, gender identity pronouns are not just a trend. They are one of the deep societal that will be marked by history. It should be incumbent on every individual to acknowledge them, but also be curious about the current changes.
The topic of genderfluid pronouns can be very foreign to many people and even uncomfortable to talk about. However, it is still essential to acquaint oneself with the topic so that adults and parents can support children with questions.
In this article, we will look at all of the basic concepts related to the issue of the gender identity pronoun, also referred to as non binary pronouns.
What is gender identity and why do we need gender identity pronouns?
Gender identity refers to an individual’s personal sense of self and gender, regardless of whether that is a man, woman, neither or both. Gender identity is not the same as gender expression in the way that it is outwardly visible to others.
In most cases, gender identity aligns with the sex that is assigned at birth. However, today’s queer movements are challenging the rigidity of how gender is assigned at birth without the baby’s consent or input. Their argument is that gender identity is such a deeply personal experience that it can be dictated by sensing their body in a certain way that does not necessarily correspond with the sex they were assigned at birth.
The main reason for this is that sex and gender are not the same and therefore the need for genderfluid pronouns.
Sex is the physical difference between people who are male, female or intersex. It is assigned at birth based on both chromosome composition and also the physical appearance of genitalia.
Gender includes the social attributes and prospects that are associated with women or men as well as the relationship between them. Having said this, many scholars and queer activists argue that these opportunities, attributes and relationships are social constructs and not wholly binary. This means that they are a taught notion through various socialisation processes that are time and context-specific – much like language. This is where non binary pronouns have an important role to play in how we address each other in society today.
The Role of Gender Identity Pronouns
A gender identity pronoun is a term that is chosen by those who want to reflect the identity of their gender and not their sex. Using the correct gender identity pronouns for someone fosters, respect, inclusion and makes people feel valued and recognised. This is why and how genderfluid pronouns are becoming such an important issue in today’s world.
Current pronouns could be he/him she/her or gender-neutral non binary pronouns such as they/them.
She/her: mostly, people that see themselves as female use these pronouns.
He/him: individuals who see themselves as male will use these pronouns.
They/them: individuals who see themselves outside of the gender binary often prefer to use they/them/their in order to make their gender identity neutral.
Every individual has the right to make use of gender identity pronouns that match their personal gender identity more accurately. This does not mean that these will automatically match their chosen gender expression – how they look, dress, behave, their name or sex.
Every person has the right to use gender pronouns that feels and match their personal gender identity. These do not necessarily match their gender — how a person dresses, looks or behaves. Neither is it related to their name or their sex.
Of course there is grammar to consider. Pronouns will change based on how they are used in sentences.
They can be presented as he/him, she/her or they/them/their. This can be confusing for younger children who are still getting to grips with grammar and sentence structure.
Being open and curious is important when raising your children, it will make them feel understood and supported if they feel safe to express themselves. Source Unsplash
Addressing Gender Fluid Pronouns with your Children
When you are addressing the topic of gender identity, make sure that you create a safe space where they feel encouraged to ask questions and express themselves within the family.
Make sure they feel that they have permission to ask any questions regardless of how uncomfortable they may be.
Be Curious and Open
One of the beautiful parts about being a parent is that you get to be curious along with your child if you want to. Being open and honest about the things you are still learning will teach them vulnerability and foster trust between you. Of course, you can always research online for information, contact local queer organisations or find a child psychologist who specialises in the topic of gender identity.
There are plenty of gender identity and transition specialists available these days as well as schools that offer counselling and recommended resources for families and children.
The Right Pronouns Matter
Many parents mistakenly postpone challenging conversations, but this is only detrimental to the child and the entire family. It is not always obvious that your child is struggling with gender identity, also called gender dysphoria, so understanding how to use gender fluid pronouns is an excellent way to open up the conversation.
While not a mental illness, gender dysphoria is psychological distress that is a result of incongruence between a child’s birth-assigned sex and their gender identity. Remember that not all transgender people will experience dysphoria, however for those who do, there may be varying levels of intensity that could trigger mental disorders.
Being misgendered can feel as negative as being misnamed, it can leave an individual feeling deeply disrespected, misunderstood, excluded and invalidated. Supporting children in trying to understand their non binary pronouns will help them to navigate cultural and social environments as well as foster an attitude of non-judgement towards others and acceptance of themselves.
Other Tips for Explaining the Gender Identity Pronoun
While more foreign to older generations, the concept of gender fluid pronouns is not difficult for young people to grasp. This is because the minds of younger people are generally naturally open to exploration.
You may find that your child is more aware of the existence of gender diversity than you think. In fact, they may be teaching you about gender fluidity, gender non binary and cisgender.
Regardless, there is a basic orientation around gender roles to help affirm someone’s identity.
When your child sees you applying these tips, they will not only have a soft introduction to gender identity but will also begin to apply these practices themselves.
Do not immediately assume another person's gender or pronouns. Remember that gender fluid pronouns mean that not everyone’s gender identity matches their gender expression.
Ask someone about their gender identity pronoun. Doing this respectfully and privately shows respect for their identity.
Share your personal gender pronoun when you introduce yourself. Be part of the change, normalise sharing and talking about gender pronouns when introducing yourself. This will show individuals who use pronouns outside of their gender binary to still feel included and understood.
Apologise if you referred to someone by using the wrong pronoun: mistakes happen, however apologising keeps the conversation open.
Refrain from using only binary-gendered language, especially in groups where not everyone identifies as cisgender.
Help others. If you overhear someone using an incorrect gender identity pronoun, you can respectfully correct them.
Refrain from using generalisations about sexuality and gender. Also, if you are able to speak positively about gender fluid pronouns, your child is likely to adopt the same attitude and be more inclined to engage in healthy dialogue.
A healthy and supportive environment is crucial for children to develop their identity. Source Unsplash
Finally, everyone wants to feel understood, seem respected and loved within the environments that they live. This is even more important during our growing up years. Being aware of how language is changing in our society is important to make a success of life and also to deconstruct the stereotypes and gender bias that history has served us.
If your child is transitioning or coming out, ask them what pronoun they would like to use and then actively use it. You could also write them a love note to let them know how much love and unconditional support they have from you and the rest of their family.
Niki is a content writer from Cape Town, South Africa, who is passionate about words, strategic communication and using words to help create and maintain brand personas. Niki has a PR and marketing background, but her happiest place is when she is bringing a story to life on a page.
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