Educating Your Children on Gender Roles

Society is evolving at a rapid pace and both gender roles and gender prejudice are under deep scrutiny by younger generations. Examples of gender bias in everyday life are everywhere. Not only is it important to be aware of them, but by staying informed, you can raise your children beyond gender norms.

What are Gender Norms 

Before you can raise your child without gender prejudice, you should understand how gender roles have been established so far.

Gender is how social attributes, as well as opportunities, are associated with being either male or female. It is about the relationships formed between men and women, girls and boys, and the relationships between men and also, between women. These attributes and opportunities are socially constructed and learnt through various socialisation processes.

Gender norms and indeed examples of gender bias in everyday life can be found in cultural sectors like class, poverty, race, ethnicity and age.

To parent your children beyond gender norms and gender prejudice, there is helpful vocabulary and tools to set the tone and dismantle gender stereotypes of the day.

Beginning with your own gender history, by revisiting moments in your childhood, you will immediately provide yourself with a framework to change some of the gender stereotypes that are all around us today.

The Negative Impact of Gender Roles

Gender stereotypes are a consequence of the examples of gender bias in everyday life.  

Some of these include ‘girls wear blue and boys wear pink’. This kind of typical gender prejudice has a long history of binary exclusivity that can make it challenging to raise children beyond the gender stereotypes that dictate what is delicate, tough, feminine and masculine.

There are a number of reasons why gender roles have had a multi-faceted negative impact on society. For instance, when gender stereotypes dictate that boys should do subjects like technology, maths and engineering and girls should select humanities subjects it is limiting, harmful and prejudicial to an individual’s future.

Through other aspects of life, children tend to reproduce gender roles and gender stereotypes shown by parents. This, however can negatively impact certain areas of their lives especially when it comes to their personal choices, intimacy, careers and much more. All of this becomes especially harmful to an individual’s mental and physical well-being when it restricts or violates their freedom to fully express themselves.

Is Parenting Beyond Gender Norms Possible?

Thanks to the examples of gender bias in everyday life it can be challenging to raise kids without a level of gender prejudice. Often it is an unconscious choice by parents and adults to reinforce the advertising, toys and media suggestions for children instead of interrogating the individual nature of their child.

In fact, it is so pervasive it can convince parents that they know what their children are interested in, rather than truly observing and listening to the child’s preferences without bias.

Fortunately, the choice to use different tools and tips to raise children beyond gender expectations can change and influence your parenting options when it comes to how to talk about gender.

Where to Start?

To raise kids free of gender expectations can mean implementing simple things at first. You could aim for a gender-neutral environment until they show their preference or you could provide the child with a variety of possibilities so that a specific gender is not projected onto a child.

Start Neutral

Regardless of the assigned sex at birth, it’s suggested to avoid making assumptions based solely on sex. Do regular check-up with your children about how they feel about their name, their pronouns and general identity.

Even before children can speak, it is recommended that all options regarding books, toys and clothing are presented to them. Doing so allows them to observe from a young age that identities are diverse. It is also shows that there are many resources to help them construct their individual identity.

Recognising Your Own Bias

Often, parents are living examples of gender bias in everyday life!

Most of the time this is done without awareness or intention, however, there are steps to disrupt this norm. The first step to encouraging a neutral upbringing for your child is to be aware of gender prejudice and how you personally interact with it.

If you are unsure, ask yourself what you would say or do in a certain situation if the boy child was a girl or vice versa.

Then, start to recognise your mistakes while you remember that unlearning gender stereotypes can take some practice at first. Aim to apologise if and when you display gender bias as this will be crucial to restoring and repairing mutual respect whether the person is cisgender, non binary or transgender.

Make the most of teachable opportunities too. For instance, when watching TV or reading if there is a gender-sensitive scenario, stop and talk about it with your child. This will not only educate them on gender neutrality but also help you ascertain how they are feeling about their own identity.

Investigate the Views of Your Caregivers and Educators

While parents are the child’s main role models, there are many others who have an influence on the thinking and upbringing of your children. Find out what kind of gender role policies or discussions are going on at your child’s school, aftercare and even in their friends’ homes. Doing this in a casual and non-threatening way can give you a lot of insight into this important topic and how it will affect your child’s identity.

Also, bear in mind that when adults are not on the same page as their children it can cause conflict and confusion between them.

Here is a list of helpful questions for caregivers, teachers and babysitters.

• (In homes where a man and woman co-parent) how do you split up the chores and childcare
• Who holds most of the emotional space for the children?
• Who is responsible for doctor’s appointments, the social calendar and birthday gifts?
• How do the teachers address children, themselves and their pronouns?
• Are they associating gender with activities or anything else?

Be the Change

A critical part of raising your children in a gender-neutral environment, while still deconstructing historic bias, is to create an inclusive and fair world. Being inclusive requires that you are open to everyone and not limited to only certain people. Regarding gender, it means that all parts of society and institutions are welcoming to both kids and adults, regardless of their identity and expression.

Creating gender-inclusive environments where everyone is made to feel welcome is an essential part of life for every aspect of life, particularly for children and teens.

Build Your Community

Building a community for you and your children takes time. Finding individuals that are open to discussion and the prospects of living differently in the world is challenging. But one thing is for sure, it is always important to build a community where acceptance is key and where values can be shared. This creates a healthy sense of inclusivity that is vitally important when raising children. It demonstrates that support can be found beyond their immediate family circle.

Meeting other young people and adults who are non binary or transgender will also help you and your children understand the diversity of gender expression. This will enrich social and cultural representations and experiences.

Raising children with gender inclusiveness is necessary because it affects everyone in some way. For them to truly flourish and be integrated in today’s society will require that they are relevant. To do this make sure that they have the support, compassion, time and encouragement that they need. All this will allow them to live their full and authentic lives.

Following a Child’s Lead   

Observing your child's communication and expression is highly recommended while allowing for a diverse range of expressions. Psychotherapists call it SOUL, which means “Silence-Observation-Understanding-Listening”, the objective of observing is to aim to understand your child's unique experience and way of expression. Listening is an important way to hear what they are saying about identity and gender experience.

Resources and Groups Online 

It is vital to confront your concerns as a parent to avoid parenting from fear and instead parent from a place of support. There are diverse ways to find support, through parent groups, therapy, faith communities and friends. There are also online communities and resources that are focused on gender-related issues that can shed light on a wide spectrum of subjects and supporting practices for parents.

Finally, remember to read as much as you can on understanding gender and myths.